Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Love Language Over-Flow

After reading the 5 Love Languages and working so hard to discover & fill my hubby's language and tank...I stumbled on a wonderful discovery. My 3 yr. old son is a little obsessed with choo choo trains, on Friday I had a little time on my hands as I entered his room. He promptly inquired if I'd like to play choo choo trains..."Absolutely I do...that just happens to be exactly why I came in here!" Oh the joy and excitement on that boy's face! I've never seen him light up so much...as we played and his little love tank was filled up (quality time...who'd'a thunk it), it started to over-flow into his secondary love language (words of affirmation). He just started spewing "Oh mama...you're the prettiest in all da world! I love you in all da time! You're such a good girl mama! I so proud of you!" He was dancing that little dance of joy! I had tears streaming down my face as I realized how this poor little man's love tank had been so close to empty up to this point. I was able to keep it from being completely empty by affirming him with words in the past, but when I tapped into the most important thing to him...I hit that boy's jackpot! It was one of the most precious moments in my life.
The next day, I took him on a date...dressed up in my prettiest black dress w/my red high heeled shoes and red lipstick...and we went to IHOP to get pancakes for dinner.
Needless to say, he's been asking for another date ever since...and I've been trying to make at least time to play choo choo trains with him for a few minutes each day...he's quick to shut that door so I can't escape.
I highly recommend this book...you will so bless your family and be blessed by it as well.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Day 4 of the Love Language Experiment

Not so much into the physical touch, I grabbed his hand as we walked, and he found a way to need that hand for something and then didn't return it to mine...that's okay. I used to need that more when we first got married, but have kind of gotten over that one...I get enough of the lovey touchy stuff from my daughter (lots) and son (sometimes). Last day will be Friday...gifts. I have no gift to give him until Friday, so he'll just have to wait. Til then we'll have some more quality time and I'll take another stab at the words of affirmation...maybe another stab at holding his hand too.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Turning over a new leaf...

I have the best pastor in the world...sorry guys, but he is the best. Although he would say..."No, it's not me, cuz I'm not, it's that GOD is good and HE is faithful and HE speaks to you when and where you need." Or something like that...right Dave?
I have long struggled with and am completely aware of the fact that I struggle with the bad habit of...grumbling and complaining. I am just never satisfied. I don't know why I struggle with it...I've prayed for help and read several books. I don't mean to be ungrateful or unappreciative, but I am a grumbler. I really hate that about me...: ) See there I go again...
In Sunday's message, he talked about the Israelites that grumbled and complained about the manna that the LORD had graciously provided for them...I grumble and complain about this slow computer and my small house mostly, but both were graciously provided for me and my family. And though I've read this book in the Bible and learned this example numerous times and I've heard him teach about this subject before...something he said this time really made it sink in and convict me HARD CORE! He said and GOD expanded in my head and heart..."The Israelites would rather have taken slavery in Egypt than the provision of GOD in the desert. We are the same...we'd take the slavery of drugs, sex, power...(my notes- anger, pornography, complacency, complaining) than live my life for CHRIST in the way HE wants. Instead of being thankful for the manna & asking for something else...in prayer and humility, they complained about what GOD had provided."
GUILTY! So I vow and I have asked my husband, daughter and friends to hold me acountable about this...no habit, good or bad, is easy to change...that instead of complaining and grumbling, if & when my computer is moving slow, I will simply pray for the LORD to provide the utilities to move it faster...I will pray for a bigger house and stop complaining how small this one is...and if HE says "no"...? I will trust and rely on CHRIST to empower me to obey and accept HIS will and command. I follow and adore HIM because of who HE is, not for what I can get.
I also have a bad habit of getting frustrated about everything...big and small. Through reading my Beth Moore study yesterday...more conviction...realized that getting frustrated doesn't change the situation, doesn't make it better, and doesn't make anyone around me very comfortable, so I will stop myself mid-fluster and breathe and tell myself..."it doesn't matter"...I will need serious prayer for this one.
I truly am blessed and highly favored...I recognize how much the LORD has blessed me...it breaks my heart that the things that I prayed for and received are the very things I complain about. I am also only responsible for my own actions, reactions, responses and decisions...I can not control, nor am I responsible for the actions, reactions, responses or decisions of others. I can only do my part and their part is up to them and GOD's is up to HIM...I will accept and appreciate all that I have been blessed with and will pray for those that I cannot control myself...and my desire to only be HIS will.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Day 3 of the Love Language Experiment

Words of Affirmation - this was really easy, he wore a suit and looked very handsome. But though I showered him with positive thoughts and compliments, he didn't respond that much...I think I'm sticking to my theory: quality time and gifts (since day 2 was more of a gift than an act of service...well a little of both).
I laughed at all his jokes (well I really tried not to roll my eyes anyway), I told him how smart he is, how hot he is, & how much I love him, the kids & I are going to make a banner for him, when he gets home from work the first thing he will see is a banner that reads "Daddy is our HERO!" with a knight in shining armor slaying the dragon...I meant to do that yesterday, but ran out of time.
Tomorrow will be physical touch, I will hug and kiss him lots and lots and hold his hand...like my daughter does to me.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Day 2 of the Love Language Experiment

I got rid of the kids, made a special dinner and borrowed his favorite kind of movies from a friend...zombie movie w a comedic twist for my benefit. We had a good time... :)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Day 1 of the Love Language Experiment

In yesterday's blog I talked about the 5 Love Languages and how I couldn't figure out my hubby's language...(he likes to sleep a lot, it's a defense mechanism to avoid confrontation, stress, me, life...)
In the morning, the kids and I left for a friend's hockey game at 11 a.m. Bren needed to go to work for a couple of hours, so the night before I had suggested that he go while we were gone so we could all end up back home around the same time. We needed to go shopping for a suit for him. I made sure that as we were leaving, I woke him up and let him know that we'd be back home no later than 2. I communicated with him once during the day to find out when he'd be home, so I could plan dinner around our shopping trip. He told me he'd be there til 3 and would come straight home...in the past this has been more suggestive than concrete, but I was trusting in his word, without too much hope or expectation. He got home around 4 (pretty good, I was impressed), I set the kids up with something easy for dinner so Riv could fix something for them quickly and we were off. When we left, he said he thought we could go to the all you can eat sushi bar we'd been talking about going to for a couple of weeks. We ended up going to 5 different stores and ended up back at the first one to find this suit (he's in an informal ceremonial vow renewal on Monday). We had a blast! If I got annoyed by anything he said or did, I kept it to myself, I allowed myself to enjoy his quirky humor and even laughed when he joked about farts and poop (usually I roll my eyes and sigh). I really did enjoy myself so much more than I have in a long time. We went to the sushi bar (I gorged myself a little too much, but it was worth it). I even bought me a couple of cute things and some books for schooling without a begrudging growl. We went to the local Blockbuster and rented a movie I'd recently seen that I thought he'd enjoy and went home to watch...I fell asleep 2 seconds in, but I think he enjoyed it.
Tonight's plan: both kids will be gone and I'm making a special dinner in a special outfit and a few other acts of service...I'll spare the details on that blog...
...and Monday's plan...words of affirmation.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Love Language

There are 5 basic love languages, according to Dr. Gary Chapman. They are, in no particular order: 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Physical touch.
I have a hard time pinning down what my hubby's love language is...my kids are easy.
My 13 yr. old girl - touch and affirmation for sure, she still loves to hold my had and she gushes when I pay her a compliment and my 3 yr. old boy - quality time and gifts for sure; he just wants someone to be in his room while he plays choochoo trains and give him a little rock and he's a happy little man...but what about my honey...he is such a hard book to read, he's so cryptic and mysterious. Just when I think I've got him pegged, he clams up and does a 180 on me, more like a 90 and then a 45 then 180, keeps me guessing...I guess...
I just want to love him the best way I can, but how can I if I can't figure him out completely. I've been trying to figure it out by seeing what he does for me and I think it is receiving gifts also and I'm not sure about another one if there is one...I'm going to start with affirmation, I don't know if he ever heard any of that as a child and may not even be aware of what he needs, himself. But I will not rest until I figure it out, so for the next 5 days I'm going to try a different one each day and see what he responds to the most. So I'll be blogging the results and we'll see. Today is hopefully going to be quality time and I'm planning a special dinner for an act of service tomorrow. I know how he responds to gifts...usually pretty well, that's why I'm thinking that's his primary language, but we'll see.