Monday, April 12, 2010

More Love Language Discoveries

In reading and applying these "Love Languages" upon my family (which has been so much fun to see them feel so loved), I've really started to understand myself...
I've always been a server...to my friends, my family, my church, my community, at work, to strangers...whoever, whatever, and wherever I'm needed. I love to serve people...I used to think that I couldn't say 'no', but it's not that really, I just don't want to say 'no'...I like to serve (it's my love language...oooooh). Ya, what a discovery! All these years I couldn't figure out why I struggled so much with feeling like no one truly loved me...I mean I know my family and friends 'love' me, but I struggled with feeling it. I pour myself out on people, doing whatever they need me to do...trying to find the needs before anyone can even ask, that's how I communicate my love to them...doesn't necessarily mean they feel loved by my actions, but I feel like I'm loving my heart out. Now other's don't all communicate that they love me in that way, so they communicate it in the way that they communicate love...touch, gifts, words, time...it's like they're saying "I love you!" in Polish, but I only understand English, so it means nothing...well not nothing, but it sure didn't come across as "I love you"...more like "i luv ya"...just not the same, it's a dialect thing I guess. But now that I've learned some new languages I may not always catch it completely, but I can at least interpret what people are trying to communicate and appreciate what they're saying, allowing myself to feel it.
This realization has opened my eyes to the deep dark past of my exsistence...as a child, my mom hugged me a lot, we did a lot together (can you guess what her love languages are?), but I never felt like we were really that close...I'm super close to her now (not geographically, but in relationship). This is likely a big reason I was so depressed for so long...begging for death, just so I could be with the only one who truly loved and understood me...so the pain would cease...never feeling strong enough (or really...weak enough, fortunately) to 'pull the trigger' myself.
What a difference this discovery has made, in just a few short weeks, in how I deal with situations...I no longer beg for death, but for more understanding, wisdom and insight into myself and others and how we work...
What wonderful healing in books...I'm so grateful for the blessing of being able to read :)

2 comments:

  1. In case you don't know: I don't just luv ya. I love you and I'm proud of you. Your passion for getting closer to the heart of God is inspiring.

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  2. I love you. I relate to you.

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